Unit 1 Greeting And Leave Taking

Greeting

Greeting is an act of communication in which human beings (as well as other animals) intentionally make their presence known to each other, to show attention to, and to suggest a type of relationship or social status between individuals or groups of people coming in contact with each other. While greeting customs are highly culture- and situation-specific and may change within a culture depending on social status and relationship, they exist in all known human cultures. Greetings can be expressed both audibly and physically, and often involve a combination of the two. This topic excludes military and ceremonial salutes but includes rituals other than gestures.

Greetings are often, but not always, used just prior to a conversation.

Some epochs and cultures have had very elaborate greeting rituals, e.g., greeting of a king.

Secret societies have clandestine greeting rituals that allow members to recognize common membership.

Greeting gestures

Denis Thatcher, husband of former Prime Minister of the United Kingdom Margaret Thatcher, greets former American First Lady Nancy Reaganby kissing her hand, 1988

A greeting can consist of an exchange of formal expression, a simple kiss, a hand shake or a hug. The form of greeting is determined by social etiquette, as well as by the relationship of the people.

Beyond the formal greeting, which may involve a verbal acknowledgment and sometimes a hand shake, facial expression, gestures, body language and eye contact can all signal what type of greeting is expected. Gestures are the most obvious signal, for instance greeting someone with open arms is generally a sign that a hug is expected. However, crossing arms can be interpreted as a sign of hostility. Facial expression, body language and eye contact reflect emotions and interest level. A frown, slouching and lowered eye contact suggests disinterest, while smiling and an exuberant attitude is a sign of welcome.

Throughout all cultures people greet one another as a sign of recognition, affection, friendship and reverence. While hand shakes, hugs, bows, nods and nose rubbing are all acceptable greetings, the most common greeting is a kiss, or kisses, on the cheek. Cheek kissing is most common in Europe and Latin America and has become a standard greeting in Southern Europe.

While cheek kissing is a common greeting in many cultures, each country has a unique way of kissing. In Russia, Slovenia, Serbia, Bosnia & Herzegovina, Macedonia, Montenegro, the Netherlands and Egypt it is customary to “kiss three times, on alternate cheeks.” Italians & Hungarians usually kiss twice in a greeting and in Mexico and Belgium only one kiss is necessary. In the Galapagos women kiss on the right cheek only and in Oman it is not unusual for men to kiss one another on the nose after a handshake. French culture accepts a number of ways to greet depending on the region. Two kisses are most common throughout all of France but in Provence three kisses are given and in Nantes four are exchanged. However, in Finistère at the western tip of Brittany and Deux-Sèvres in the Poitou-Charentes region, one kiss is preferred. 

Here are some expression :

Formal Greetings	Responses
- Good morning. - Good afternoon. - Good evening. - Hello, how are you?	- Hello. - Hello, good afternoon. - Good evening. - I’m fine. Thank you. - Very well, thank you.
Informal Greetings	Responses
- Hi, how’s life? -What’s news? - How’s everything? - How’s business? - Good to see you.	- Terrific. And you? - Just fine, thanks. - Great, thanks. - Pretty well. What about you?

Leave Taking

Leave Takings	Responses
- Sorry, I have to go now. - I’ll talk to you later. - It’s been nice talking toyou. - Good bye. - Bye-bye / Bye. - See you tomorrow.	- Yes of course. See you. - Sure. See you later. - So long. -Take care. - Keep in touch. - See you at school.

Face blind people sometimes have difficulty ending a social encounter. There is actually a graceful way to do that, but for those who can't always read the expressions of others well, we may miss when people are taking their leave, or we may have never learned how to do that ourselves.

We all know of the house visitor who we literally have to push out the door, or the afternoon companion who is tougher to get rid of than a wad of gum on the bottom of our shoe. This situation arises because one or both of the people do not know how people take their leave. The lack of this knowledge can bring one to a point where one shuns social contact altogether, because ending each encounter is so frustrating.

It takes two to tango, as they say, and a social encounter is a matter which is mutual. It's often easier to start one than end one. Here we address the question: How does one member indicate that the mutuality has come to an end? What does he do to take his leave? Although we may not understand body language or facial expressions that indicate leave-taking, there are actually three words that people use for this purpose. One should learn them:

• Your name. They can say your name for other purposes, such as greeting you or emphasizing a point, but when your name occurs out of the blue, it is leave-taking. Example, "Joe, it's been a fun afternoon."
• Well. Example, "Well, I have some stuff to do."
• Now. Example, "I am going home for dinner now." (The word "now" usually follows mention of another activity.)

When a person takes his leave, the other party is entitled to a short sentence or two to acknowledge the leave-taking, and then the leave-taker to acknowledge that he is in fact taking his leave will utter an even shorter reply:

Tom: I am going to work on my e-mail now.
Joe: Okay, cool. I think I'll go watch TV.
Tom: Catch you later.

Forestalling leave

If a companion is taking his leave, you may forestall it if you state a brief reason to do so. For example:

Tom: I am going home to dinner now.
Joe: Oh, before you go, what time do you want to meet tomorrow?
Tom: Noon would be cool.
Joe: Okay, see you then.
Tom: See ya.

Note that the forestalling (1) acknowledges that leave is being taken ("Oh, before you go") and (2) states the reason briefly immediately thereafter. Note also that forestalling a person's leave a second time is inappropriate. All reasons to do so should be stated the first time.

Note that the word "now" is also used to postpone the initiation of social contact, when it is combined with a designation of a later time for the contact to occur:

Tom: I am trying to get this report out now; let's talk after lunch.
Joe: Okay, see you then.

Leave taking is not an invitation

One should be aware that leave-taking is not an invitation to follow the person taking leave. Don't even ask. If it is an invitation, they will negate the impression that it is leave-taking by including the invitation in the statement:

WRONG:
Tom: I am going home to dinner now.
Joe: I'm hungry too. Can I come along?

RIGHT:
Tom: I am going home to dinner now, would you like to join me?
Joe: Sure!

Note that leave-taking can occur in groups of more than two people:

Tom: Joe, you want to go work on that project with me now?
Joe: Sure!
Bob: See you guys later.
(Tom, by using the word "now", was taking leave. By addressing Joe, he was only taking leave of Bob. Bob should not take this as an invitation to join them.)

Others actually have this problem

Although face blindness can be at the root of one not having learned how people take their leave, leave-taking is actually learned in childhood by absorption of how other people do it. It takes good skills at subtly reading people to pick it up, and face blindness, autism, or Asperger's syndrome can get in the way of this. Actually, any communications impairment or isolation during the period in childhood when leave-taking skills are learned, can cause one to reach adulthood without these skills.

Thanking

1. Thanking for directions

Sample phrases (from formal to informal)

A: Thank you so much for your directions. You've been a tremendous help.
B: It was my pleasure.

A: Thank you for taking the time to explain it to me. I hope it wasn't too much of a bother.
B: Not at all. It was the least I could do.

A: Thanks for all your help. I really appreciate it.
B: You're welcome. Good luck.

A: Thanks a million!
B: Forget it/Don't worry about it.

2. Thanking for invitations

Sample phrases

A: Thank you for inviting me. Of course I'll come.
B: Great! We're sure to have a lot of fun.

A: Thanks for your invitation, but I'm afraid I won't be able to come. I've got an appointment.
B: I'm sorry to hear that. We'll certainly miss you.

3. Thanking for gifts

Sample phrases

A: Thank you very much for the flowers. They look so beautiful. Are they from your garden?
B: Yes. I'm glad you like them. Happy anniversary!

A: Thanks a lot, but you really shouldn't have.
B: Well, I just wanted to show my appreciation for your kindness.

4. Thanking for favors

Sample phrases

A: Thank you so much for lending me your bicycle.
B: Don't mention it. Let me know if you need it again.

A: Thanks for doing the washing-up.
B: It was nothing. I enjoyed helping you.

5. Thanking for offers of help

Sample phrases

A: Can I take you to the airport?
B: Thank you. That would be great.

A: Do you need help carrying these suitcases?
B: Thanks, but I'll manage OK by myself.

6. Thanking for expressions of sympathy

Sample phrases

A: I'm sorry to hear your grandmother is ill.
B: Thank you. I hope she'll be all right.

A: That's too bad about your car.
B: Thanks. I think the police will find some clues.

7. Thanking for compliments and wishes of success

Sample phrases

A: You are such a good cook!
B: Thanks. I learned a lot from my mother.

A: Good luck with your exams!
B: Thanks. I'll need it!

Simple Present Tense

I sing

How do we make the Present Simple Tense?

subject	+	auxiliary verb	+	main verb
		do		base

There are three important exceptions:

For positive sentences, we do not normally use the auxiliary.

For the 3rd person singular (he, she, it), we add s to the main verb or es to the auxiliary.

For the verb to be, we do not use an auxiliary, even for questions and negatives.

Look at these examples with the main verb like:

	subject	auxiliary verb		main verb
+	I, you, we, they			like	coffee.
	He, she, it			likes	coffee.
-	I, you, we, they	do	not	like	coffee.
	He, she, it	does	not	like	coffee.
?	Do	I, you, we, they		like	coffee?
	Does	he, she, it		like	coffee?

Look at these examples with the main verb be. Notice that there is no auxiliary:

	subject	main verb
+	I	am		French.
	You, we, they	are		French.
	He, she, it	is		French.
-	I	am	not	old.
	You, we, they	are	not	old.
	He, she, it	is	not	old.
?	Am	I		late?
	Are	you, we, they		late?
	Is	he, she, it		late?

How do we use the Present Simple Tense?

We use the present simple tense when:

the action is general

the action happens all the time, or habitually, in the past, present and future

the action is not only happening now

the statement is always true

John drives a taxi.
past	present	future
It is John's job to drive a taxi. He does it every day. Past, present and future.

Look at these examples:

I live in New York.

The Moon goes round the Earth.

John drives a taxi.

He does not drive a bus.

We meet every Thursday.

We do not work at night.

Do you play football?

Note that with the verb to be, we can also use the present simple tense for situations that are not general. We can use the present simple tense to talk about now. Look at these examples of the verb "to be" in the present simple tense - some of them are general, some of them are now:

Am I right? Tara is not at home. You are happy.
past	present	future
The situation is now.

I am not fat. Why are you so beautiful? Ram is tall.
past	present	future
The situation is general. Past, present and future.

Personal Pronoun

Personal pronouns represent specific people or things. We use them depending on:

• number: singular (eg: I) or plural (eg: we)
• person: 1st person (eg: I), 2nd person (eg: you) or 3rd person (eg: he)
• gender: male (eg: he), female (eg: she) or neuter (eg: it)
• case: subject (eg: we) or object (eg: us)

We use personal pronouns in place of the person or people that we are talking about. My name is Josef but when I am talking about myself I almost always use "I" or "me", not "Josef". When I am talking direct to you, I almost always use "you", not your name. When I am talking about another person, say John, I may start with "John" but then use "he" or "him". And so on.

Here are the personal pronouns, followed by some example sentences:

number	person	gender	personal pronouns
			subject	object
singular	1st	male/female	I	me
	2nd	male/female	you	you
	3rd	male	he	him
		female	she	her
		neuter	it	it
plural	1st	male/female	we	us
	2nd	male/female	you	you
	3rd	male/female/neuter	they	them

Examples (in each case, the first example shows a subject pronoun, the second an object pronoun):

• I like coffee.
• John helped me.
• Do you like coffee?
• John loves you.
• He runs fast.
• Did Ram beat him?
• She is clever.
• Does Mary know her?
• It doesn't work.
• Can the engineer repair it?
• We went home.
• Anthony drove us.
• Do you need a table for three?
• Did John and Mary beat you at doubles?
• They played doubles.
• John and Mary beat them.

When we are talking about a single thing, we almost always use it. However, there are a few exceptions. We may sometimes refer to an animal as he/him or she/her, especially if the animal is domesticated or a pet. Ships (and some other vessels or vehicles) as well as some countries are often treated as female and referred to as she/her. Here are some examples:

• This is our dog Rusty. He's an Alsatian.
• The Titanic was a great ship but she sank on her first voyage.
• My first car was a Mini and I treated her like my wife.
• Thailand has now opened her border with Cambodia.

For a single person, sometimes we don't know whether to use he or she. There are several solutions to this:

• If a teacher needs help, he or she should see the principal.
• If a teacher needs help, he should see the principal.
• If a teacher needs help, they should see the principal.

We often use it to introduce a remark:

• It is nice to have a holiday sometimes.
• It is important to dress well.
• It's difficult to find a job.
• Is it normal to see them together?
• It didn't take long to walk here.

We also often use it to talk about the weather, temperature, time and distance:

• It's raining.
• It will probably be hot tomorrow.
• Is it nine o'clock yet?
• It's 50 kilometres from here to Cambridge.

Introducing

Who is the most important audience? Hint: It's not the people you meet.

Whenever you introduce yourself, the person you meet is not the most important audience.

You are the most important audience.

Here's why.

I like to ride bicycles. I'm not super fit. And I'm not super fast. But I like riding, and in weak moments occasionally even think of myself as a "cyclist."

So occasionally I ride in mass participation events like gran fondos. The average participant tends to be a serious cyclist: Many are triathletes, some are amateur racers, and occasionally even a few professionals show up. I live in a valley between two mountain ranges, so our events are not for the faint of fitness.

I was standing in the start area for a gran fondo that involved climbing four mountains when a man rolled over towards me. My guess is he picked me out since I was clearly one of the older riders in the field. (That was a delightful sentence to write.) As he stopped he struggled to unclip from his pedals and almost fell.

"Morning," he said, the bass in his voice turned up to 10. "I'm Louis Winthorpe III*. I'm the CEO of WeKickSeriousButt Enterprises."**

"Jeff," I said. I shook his hand.

"I am really looking forward to this," he said. "I could use the break to recharge the old batteries. Just in the last few days I've had to finalize a huge contract, visit two of our plants, and sign off on plans for a new marketing push."

How do you respond to that? "Wow, you've been busy," was the best I could manage.

"Oh, not really," he said, trying and failing to seem humble. "Just same stuff, different day. I just wish I wasn't so busy. I only have time to do the shorter course today. I would have absolutely killed the long ride. What about you?"

"I'm afraid the long ride is going to kill me," I said.

"Feel free to latch on to my wheel," he said, referring to drafting in another rider's slipstream. "I'll tow you along for as long as you can hang with me." Then he slowly and carefully clipped into one pedal and wobbled away.

Cocky? Full of himself? Sure, but only on the surface: His $12,000 bike, pseudo-pro gear, and "I rule the business world" introduction were an unconscious effort to protect his ego. What his introduction really said was, "While I might not turn out to be good at cycling, that's okay because out in the real world, where it really matters, I am The Man."

While he introduced himself to me, he was his real audience.

And that's a shame. For the next six or eight hours he could have just been a cyclist. He could have struggled and suffered and maybe even rekindled the ember of youth inside us that burns a little less brightly with each passing year.

How do you introduce yourself? When you feel insecure, do you prop up your courage with your introduction? Do you include titles or accomplishments or "facts" when you don't need to?

If so, your introduction is all about you, not your audience.

Instead:

See less as more.

Brief introductions are always best. Provide the bare minimum the other person needs to know, not in an attempt to maintain distance, but because during a conversation more about you can be revealed in a natural, unforced, and therefore much more memorable way.

Stay in context.

If you meet another parent at a school meeting, for example, just say, "Hi, I'm Mark. My daughter is in third grade." Keep your introduction in context with the setting. If there is no real context, like at a gran fondo, just say, "Hi, I'm Mark. Good luck."

Embrace understatement.

Unless you're in a business setting, your job title is irrelevant. Even if you are in fact the CEO of WeKickSeriousButt Enterprises, just say you work there. To err is human. To err humble is divine.

Focus on the other person.

The other person is the only person that matters. Ask questions. Actually listen to the answers. The best connections never come from speaking; the best connections always come from listening.

That day I rolled into the finishing area well over six hours later. I stopped and slumped over my handlebars beside a small cluster of riders who had finished well before me. They were already changed and working on a post-ride beer.

One of them looked over and said, "How was it?"

"It sucked," I said.

They all laughed, and he said, "And it was awesome, right?"

I smiled, because it was. He reached over and gave me a fist bump. "I'll grab you a beer and you can tell us all about it," he said. I looked forward to the conversation more than the beer. Acceptance and camaraderie are earned by effort, not granted by title.

At that moment I happened to see Louis, sitting alone as he packed up his gear. I felt a twinge of sadness because he never allowed himself to just be a rider. He never gave himself the chance to fit in, enjoy a shared purpose, and to simply be a cyclist among cyclists.

When you introduce yourself, embrace the moment and the setting for what it says about you in that moment, not in comparison to your titles or accomplishments.

Just be whoever you are, skills and struggles and triumphs and failures and all. You are your true audience, even when you introduce yourself.

Always be yourself--especially to yourself.

* Clearly not his real name. (Trading Places!)

** Not really, but not far off.